1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
