I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
