The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
