I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize