Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
