We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
