Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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