i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
