end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
