Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
