Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
