so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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