Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
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I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
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