Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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