I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
