I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
