So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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