You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
it's like heaven, but drunker
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
