so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
