so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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