oh god the rape fog is back!
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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