I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
