oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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