sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
