Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
