Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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