I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
