I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
