How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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