I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
