i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
