Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
