everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
