Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
