Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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