My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize