it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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