at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
