between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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