Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
