He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Four minutes until I can fart!
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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