I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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