I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
