the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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