The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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