Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
