I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
