C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You pole danced in your parka.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
