I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
