listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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