If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
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I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
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People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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