i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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