I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
