Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
