beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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