If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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