Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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