how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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