Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
