Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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