My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
someone get that fucking seahorse.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
