why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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