I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
