It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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