My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
