I got chris browned last night
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
