All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
