A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
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No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
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Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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