She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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