I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
