bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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