Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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