I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
