drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
